image courtesy skypixel / dreamstime
The holiday season is supposed to center on togetherness and renewal. And yet, for the next six weeks, you’ll probably find yourself running from office parties to holiday wine and cheese receptions; shopping for the perfect gift for your children, family, and friends; hanging decorations; making travel plans, navigating crowded airports, stewing in traffic jams, eating and drinking a lot, socializing with friends, communing with family, worrying about how much all this is costing, and generally uprooting your normal routines.
This is part of the charm of the holidays, of course, and detaching from your normal routine is a big reason why the season is valuable. But it is also, undoubtedly, a source of much stress. For some people, the holidays are not a time of rejuvenation, but an annual blow to their mental well-being.
“The holiday time is a time of celebration and joy,” says Lenora Coleman, director of outpatient services at Lakeside Behavioral Health. “Everybody’s happy, and you’ve got family gatherings. But it’s also a time that’s very stressful for the same reasons, because sometimes those family gatherings can be challenging. Challenging in our interactions with our family members. Challenging from the standpoint of the expectations that family members have with us. It can be overwhelming for us at time.”
Also, she adds, “The holiday season can be stressful for financial reasons. We have expectations of giving and travel and parties and all of the social events. So it’s celebration and joy, but it’s also very stressful during that time.”
Coleman has been working in the mental health field for more than four decades. “I’ve worked with all populations,” she says, “and done a small amount of work with children, but mostly adults with serious and persistent mental illness: schizophrenia, bipolar illness, major depression, anxiety disorders, and substance use disorders.”
Mental health professionals see an uptick in patients presenting with serious concerns every year around the holidays. “If you happen to be an individual who’s already struggling with mental health concerns or with substance use, then that added stress of the holiday time just adds to it,” says Coleman. “So we tend to see an increase in depression. We see an increase in anxiety. We also see an increase in substance use during that time. Some of that is part of what we call the holiday blues.”
image courtesy skypixel / dreamstime
How do you beat the holiday blues? Coleman says the most important part is not to get too caught up in expectations — your own or those of others. Remember that none of the fun is mandatory. If you start to feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to opt out.
“If you’re struggling with substance abuse, and you know the holiday party can be a trigger for you, it’s probably best to skip it. It’s not just the holiday party itself, it’s all of the anxiety around it.”
This is especially true if it’s an environment where people don’t really know you’re struggling with substance abuse. Coleman says people who find themselves in these situations ask themselves, “Okay, what do I do? Do I have one drink, or do I explain what’s going on? That can be a trigger for you [which] can lead to an increase in your sadness and your loneliness.”
She notes that people often have other support systems, “your family members and friends, going to the party and you’re choosing not to go to a party because it is going to be such a trigger or a challenge for you.”
If opting out is the source of more pain than opting in, Coleman says to go in prepared. “The first thing is — and this is in any situation — you’ve got to have a plan. It may be that you have a support person there with you. They can be with you when choose to step outside and take a break. Interact with your core friends, family members, or supporters who do not use substances. Draw from your support systems during that time.”
image courtesy skypixel / dreamstime
She also says to be honest with your feelings. “A lot of times we’re just not honest with what our struggles, our challenges are. “Once you’re able to be honest, then you can draw on support from others.”
Financial stress is common around the holidays, from pressure to give expensive gifts and pay for travel. Coleman says not to lose sight of the point of gift-giving: A simple, thoughtful gift can have more meaning than an expensive, generic one. “The special attention that you put into your gift is for your family members. And sometimes, the gift is just the time that you have available to spend with them, more so than the monetary things.”
If you, like millions of Americans, are traveling for the holidays, Coleman says the key is to keep it simple. “If you’re driving, limit the amount of time you’re spending in your vehicle,” by breaking up the trip into smaller sections, she says. “Direct flights are always less stressful than where you’re having to make multiple stops, trying to figure out what gate you need to get to, worrying if we’re going to get there on time to make your connection, and running through the airport. I can’t think of anything more stressful than that — except missing your flight and having to stay there overnight.”
On top of the holiday stressors, social media can amplify anxieties. “We spend all this time on social media looking at what other families have and what they’re doing,” says Coleman, “and all the great parties and great places that they’re able to go to, and you’re not able to do that,” says Coleman.
But keep in mind that social media is not reality. Everyone is putting their best foot forward, and editing out their problems. No one puts their kids’ Christmas morning meltdowns on Instagram. “It’s a fantasy,” says Coleman. “Kids and adults alike, we need to power down. We need to turn it off. We need to give our brains a break.”
Being with your family and friends is the best part of the holiday season, but Coleman says to save some space for yourself. “Remember to pay attention to your feelings. It’s okay to be unhappy during the holidays. Being able to recognize your feelings helps you start nurturing your feelings, and that’s important.”
She also suggests developing plans for the holidays that involves reaching out to others. “They may be your family members, your support systems, your community,” she says. “Get involved. Go to your local homeless shelter or your church group or something. Help others. Sometimes we can help ourselves when we help others.”
And if the holiday season can be a bit complicated for you, we can promise one thing: The chaos will be over before you know it.
