Larry Kuzniewski
My mailman looks at me funny. Last Monday, as he has each Monday for about a year, he delivered to my mailbox copies of The New Yorker and the National Enquirer. On Wednesday he delivered wedged between New York magazine and Architectural Digest, a smudgy copy of the Sun. Just today I made a spectacle of myself in the grocery store when I couldn’t contain my glee at finding a copy of the Weekly World News. It’s cover story (replete with an “artist’s conception” picture) proclaimed, “ELVIS IS ALIVE! The King admits his funeral was faked and tells of secret life in Michigan!” I guess it was the Michigan reference that got me, and started me babbling to the checkout girl about Elvis and the Tabloids; by the time I left, she was looking at me funny.
Over the past year, in the name of journalistic research, I have undertaken a long and lurid slide into the dank, dark maw of Tabloidland. Ooze! The yellow journalism of the 1890’s pales into pastel anemia beside the day-glo tints of this stuff. Sludge! This is the kind of “journalism” in which verification of alien visitation consists of a pencil sketch that could be bested by your seventh-grade cousin. Dreck! These are scandal sheets whose most sensational and improbable stories come from England or Bora-Bora or Waco, Texas – places too inaccessible for the average reader to check for accuracy. Slime! Ah, but what slime! A writer going one-on-one with innuendo, exclamation points, rumors, half-truths, and gossip. And Elvis!
Therein lay my mission: to chronicle, over the period of one year, the treatment of Elvis Presley in the tabloids. We at Memphis are constantly fascinated by the Elvis phenomenon – the crowds at Graceland, the millions of dollars worth of his memorabilia sold, and, most visibly, the ability of the print media – especially the tabloids – to attract a crowd just by printing some outlandish fiction about the King of Rock-and-Roll. In the world of Tabloid, Elvis is Reader Bait; just put him on the cover, sit back, and reel ‘em in )Of course, the tabloids certainly aren’t the only publications that occasionally feature Elvis on the cover. Just check out the cover of this magazine, for example).
Memphis magazine, July 1988
Still, no one can beat the tabloids when it comes to, uh, bizarre coverage of the Elvis phenomenon. And from time to time over the years, we’ve been intrigued by a tabloid article or two ourselves, especially if there was a Memphis angle. For example, a couple of years ago, a story came out in one tabloid about a Memphis cabbie who supposedly drove Elvis’ ghost to Graceland. We decided to follow up on the story. One of our reporters tried to locate the elusive cabbie, but to no avail. Needless to say, we didn’t find Elvis either. This time, though, assuming that our readers – inquiring minds or not – want to know, we decided to go to the trenches in our Quest for Elvis. SO we went to the tabloids themselves.
We went about the task systematically. We took out subscriptions to two tabloids at opposite ends of the taste spectrum, if there is such a thing in Tabloidland. First, the National Enquirer, which has lately been making overtures toward something approaching respectability, with its full-color format and tendency to actually get some things right (Gary Hart and Donna Rice, Jim Bakker and Jessica Han). Our second target was the Sun, which leans toward stories of the “Two-Headed Baby Born Singing Puccini” variety. Indeed, the Sun, though more embarrassing to harvest from the mailbox, was infinitely more entertaining, and provided us with a wilder and more startling batch of Elvis stories. In addition to the Enquirer and the Sun, we would pick up other tabloids in the supermarket if we spotted some particularly enticing grist for the Elvis rumor mill.
Okay, so much for our scientific research methods. Now for a word about the tabs themselves. Scoff as we may, they’re big business, selling many more copies than so-called “mainstream” periodicals. The Enquirer, with 4.5 million copies sold weekly, clocks in ahead of Time, Newsweek, Playboy, and Redbook, just barely losing out to Good Housekeeping and Ladies’ Home Journal in the number of copies sold per issue. Other tabs, including the Globe and the National Examiner, regularly outsell the Sunday New York Times, Business Week, The New Yorker, and Forbes. Many of the tabs are parts of conglomerates: the Enquirer and the Weekly World News are published by the same company in lantana, Florida. Globe Communications, meanwhile, publishes the National Examiner, the Globe, and the Sun.
What’s the attraction of the tabloids? Why do they draw so many readers? Perhaps it’s because of the American obsession with royalty. Princess Di, Fergie, the Grimaldis of Monaco, and of course Elvis – the King – are always hot tabloid topics. Another explanation may lie with the public’s endless fascination with celebrities of all sorts. Vanna White, Bruce Willis, Memphis’ own Cybill Shepherd, and the entire casts of Dynasty, Dallas, and Knots Landing make frequent appearances in the tabs.
I have my own theories about the popularity of the tabloids. For starters, there’s the sheer fun of it all. Whether or not one actually believes some of the stories in the tabloids, there’s no denying that a lot of the stuff makes for interesting and sensational reading. It’s outrageous, sure, but the outrageousness is part of the fun. But perhaps the strongest attraction of the tabloids is that they offer escapism in its purest form, a chance to get away from the cares and troubles of the world, even if only for a little while.
Are you upset about getting a speeding ticket> There, there, say the tabloids, calm down. Here, read this story about a “Woman Who Took A Wrong Turn and Drives Straight Into Hell!” It’ll make you feel better. Are you exhausted after wrestling with the dog over a bath? Take comfort – “Woman Wrestler Gives Birth to 50-pound Baby – Minutes After She’s Thrown From the Ring!” Are you embarrassed because your child burped in church? You want embarrassed> “Bride Gives Birth Standing at Altar – Not Even the Groom Knew She Was Pregnant!” Is there a family scandal because Uncle Joe ran off with a dental hygienist? Well, try this: “Two Ex-Nuns In Sexual Hijinks!” Are you mad at your spouse because he always leaves his clothes scattered around the house? Hey, that’s nothing: “Husband Turns Into a Werewolf – As Wife Looks On In Horror!”
But I digress. Our purpose here, after all, is to explore the Elvis-in-the-Tabloids phenom. Even after collecting this stuff for a year, we continue to be amazed at both the quantity of it (lots) and the quality (outrageous). Of course, the tenth anniversary of Elvis’ death occurred during our survey, and everybody did something boffo in memoriam to the King; even so, some of our favorite items came at odd times of the year, from even odder publications.
To organize our Elvis-tabloid library, we divided the articles into categories – “Elvis and the Aliens,” “Elvis Alive,” “Elvis’ Ghost,” and so forth. We gleaned 53 examples of Elvis tab-lore from the year; obviously, we’re only showing you the highlights here. And we had to keep telling ourselves that we would only include examples from tabloids, despite attempts by the mainstream media – especially in August – to mimic their cheesier counterparts.
To set the stage, here’s one of my favorite tidbits from the Enquirer, which simply didn’t fit into any particular category. It’s an ad, which encourages readers to send in $10 for, “A dream come true...a must for every Elvis fan...amazing cassette classic...a moving tribute to the King.” Ah, yes, the album we’ve all been waiting for: Elvis: The Songs He Might Have Sung.
Herewith, then, we offer our version of the Tabs’ Greatest Hits – “Elvis: The Stories He Might Have Read.”
Kiss-And-Tell Means Big Bucks For “Me-And-Elvis” Mongers!
Having sold the King a package of Twinkies at the 7-Eleven where you worked in high school apparently entitles you to write a book about your life with Elvis. Of course, there are some people who actually knew him, and many of them have the rather annoying habit of cashing in on that friendship at the drop of a guitar pick. For the tenth anniversary of Elvis’ death, the tabs scurried all over the country locating former associates for their words of wisdom about the late singer..
Elvis’ cook of 14 years, Mary Jenkins, told the Enquirer what he was REALLY like; that is, if you can tell what a person is REALLY like by the fact that his favorite foods were peas, collard greens, corn bread, and Mary’s vegetable soup. Jenkins did shed some insight into Elvis’ temper, as she recounted a bout he had with the telephone: “He tried to jerk the phone out of the wall, but it wouldn’t come out. That made him really mad. He took a chair and began beating the telephone with it. Elvis’ dog and I ran out the back door….” One image, of Jenkins sneaking a sack of hot dogs and sauerkraut past guards into Elvis’ hospital room, makes it apparent that she earned those cars and houses he bought her.
The week of the anniversary of Elvis’ death brought “The King’s Courtiers” out to talk to the Globe, complete with quotes about their memories of Elvis. The group included Red West (“He [Elvis] was the glue that held us together”), George Klein (“When Elvis died, he left a void in my life...I handle that void by speaking all over the world….”), Jerry Schilling, now back working for the Presley estate (“It’s a nice feeling to be back with Elvis”), and Joe Esposito (“There’s been a lot of people wanting to talk to me about Elvis this year….But I don’t like talking about it anymore”). Then there are the former Presley flames, Linda Thompson Jenner and Ginger Alden, who have apparently never found true love after Elvis. Alden, though, did try to find a commercial venture in her Elvis connection – a movie about her love affair starring Elvis impersonator Early Owensby, but the project never came off. And the ˆGloveˆfurther reports that Elvis’ stepmother, Dee, worked at Casual Corner in nashville before she began making guest appearances with Wade Cummins, another Presley imitator.
The best of this “Me and Elvis’ category has to be Priscilla Presley’s former live-in love, Michael Edwards, who’s writing a book about Elvis based on teh juicy stuff that Priscilla supposedly told him. The Enquirer offers this account of the book: “ An insider says there’s lotsa steamy details, including the bizarre confession that Priscilla and Mike often called up the spirit of Elvis Presley to join them during, er...intimate moments.”
Lisa Marie – Daddy’s Girl – Good For A Story A Month!
Poor kid! It’s not enough that she looks just like Pop, lip and all, but now she’s under the tabloid microscope as well. A report that she was considering closing Graceland when she inherits all at age 25, brought a firestorm of tabloid criticism. Close Graceland? You might as well close Mecca, Jerusalem, or Rome! Heaven forbid! But not to worry, a few weeks later a counter-rumor circulated saying Lisa Marie had changed her mind, so all the pilgrims could rest easy again.
Much attention in the tabloids has centered around the fights Lisa and her mother Priscilla have reportedly had, which, by our estimates, puts them in the same class with about 90 percent of the mother-daughter teams in the U.S. For the record, here’s an Enquirer exclusive account of one’s argument: “Priscilla yelled, ‘You’re too young to get married...and he’s only a musician.’ Retorted Lisa Marie angrily: ‘Mom, I can’t believe you. You moved in with my father when you were just 16 years old. And where do YOU get off being a snob about rock musicians?’” Indeed.
Heart Failure? Ha!
Priscilla said she didn’t think Elvis really wanted to live past forty. The coroner said “heart failure,” and everyone – especially Geraldo Rivera – now knows that drugs contributed to Elvis’ death. His stepbrother, Ricky Stanley, claimed in the Enquirer that just hours before his death Elvis cried and professed that, “I just feel so weary. I don’t want to go on.” This opened another possible can of tabloid worms. “I don’t know if he did himself in or not,” said Stanley in the Enquirer. “I don’t think he did, but that is certainly a possibility and it is one of the feelings that has haunted me since.”
But that’s not even the real blockbuster. No, the Sun had a better idea: “Elvis was an innocent victim of a terrible astrological curse!” That old Leo sign was “too strong for Elvis to fight,” said “internationally known” astrologer Marie LeGuin, who added, “Although Elvis was a Capricorn, the dominating forces under the Leo sign in this phase can cause bizarre or deadly behavior.” LeGuin said that others who labored under this same curse included Marilyn Monroe and Jimmy Hoffa.
The Healing Power of Elvis
“Moments away from telling doctors to pull the plug on his comatose wife, a heartsick husband saw the woman suddenly come to life as he played the music of Elvis Presley for her.” And you thought it was a little wacky that some folks treat Elvis like a god. Corina Steele, a London woman hit by a car, lay in a coma for ten months until revived by Elvis, the Sun reported. The dear almost-departed woman was interviewed about her experience, after Elvis’ How Great Thou Art album of religious songs brought her out. “I can remember hearing Elvis singing in my dreams,” the Sun quotes her as saying. “I even heard him ask me to come back to my husband...All I know is that Elvis gave me back my life.” This would appear to open up an entire new area of marketing for Elvis music.
The King is Dead! Long Live the King!
Come with us now as we enter another dimension. No, not the Twilight Zone, but the Heebie-Jeebie Land inhabited by the ghost of Elvis. According to the tabs, almost as many people have seen the ghost of Elvis. According to the tabs, almost as many people have seen the King after August 16, 1977, as before, at least if we can believe some of these headlines: “Elvis Presley’s Ghost Seen by Dozens,” “Spirit of Elvis Overwhelms Crew,” “Elvis; Ghost Helped Cop Find His Runaway Son,” and “Pal’s Encounter with Elvis’ Spirit.”
One book, Elvis After Life, by “famed psychic investigator” Dr. raymond A. Moody, Jr., received considerable play in several different tabloids, including the Enquirer, which serialized parts of the book. Among the close encounters of the weird kind described in the book and dutifully reported in the tabs:
A farmer of Elvis’ acquaintance saw the singer out in his backyard, and, as the farmer recounts, “I could see he had a smile on his face. He said, ‘I’ve come to say goodbye for a while, Claude.;: Claude turned away to see his wife running up the hill; she excitedly told him that she’d just heard about Elvis’ death on the radio. Claude turned back around, and, of course, Elvis was gone.
A truck drive picked up a hitchhiker (you can see this one coming a mile away, can’t you?) on his way to Memphis. They got to talking, and the driver told his passenger he’d been having trouble with drinking, but he’d quit. The passenger allowed as how he’d had a bout with sleeping pills and painkillers, himself. When the driver let the man out, he [the driver] introduced himself, and his passenger said, “I’m Elvis Presley, sir.” The driver said, “It was Elvis Presley, all right. Or his ghost.”
A woman was chiding herself about gaining weight and eating junk food, and Elvis’ voice came out of the blue, saying, “You had better listen to that.” To which the Sun added, “Tragically, if Elvis had taken better care of his body when he was alive, we might still be able to see him in the flesh today – instead of just his ghost.”
The National Enquirer, stating that Elvis “desperately wants to hear from his fans,” gave step-by-step instructions on how to achieve such contact, from waiting until the kids are asleep to lighting the proper color candle. Or, you could have a séance, but beware: “You should have a bona fide, experienced psychic present,” warns the Examiner. Otherwise, instead of Elvis’ spirit, you could get a low-entity being and have a very negative experience.”
Even singer Wayne Newton apparently weighed in with some spiritual revelations of his own. Newton reportedly told the Enquirer, “Elvis’ Ghost Talks To Me.” We’re sure there was no self-interest involved, but this revelation came just weeks before Newton was launching a bit Elvis tribute show last August. As a matter of fact (or not), Newton said that Elvis was picking out all the songs for him to sing in the show. Newton told the Examiner of at least four encounters with the late King, and capped off his account with this: “Now, when I sing Elvis songs onstage, I feel Elvis is there. And I can tell you that when I do the anniversary tribute to him, I’m simply going to be the physical voice. Elvis will take it from there, and tell me what he wants.”
Pretenders to the Throne
This year has produced a bumper crop of Elvis progeny. First there was Desiree Presley, daughter of Lucy de Barbin, who chronicled her alleged twenty-plus-year, totally secret relationship with Elvis. Her book, Are You Lonesome Tonight?, co-written with National Enquirer reporter Dary Matera, was, not surprisingly, serialized in that journal. Another Elvis “daughter” made her appearance in June of 1987, putting in a claim against the Presley estate (unlike Desiree, who made no claims but presumably shared in her mother’s book profits). These reports, of course, were also covered extensively by the mainstream media.
But leave it to the Sun to come up with the real scoop. That tabloid ran a story about a fellow claiming to be Jesse Garon Presley – that’s right, Elvis’ twin brother – who we all thought died at birth. Not so, says Jesse (formerly John Haemmerle), who claims that he was secretly given up for adoption and raised in New Jersey. His proof, he says, is that he’s been having unusual happenings and associations with Elvis all his life. According to the Sun, “He experienced strange vision...once saw the image of Elvis appear mysteriously on his cellar wall. Then he met New York psychic Anne Fisher, who put him under hypnosis and regressed him back to his earlier years. ‘Suddenly, I was back in Mississippi in Tupelo,’ he recalls.” What’s Jesse’s profession, you may ask? Why, singer and actor, of course.
The Legend Lives On: Fans Pay Homage to the King!
Elvis fans are nothing if not devoted, and the tabloids are equally diligent in reporting on this aspect of the Elvis phenomenon. Fans who dress up like Elvis and impersonate him, fans who make whole rooms in their house into little Elvis shrines, fans who undergo plastic surgery so they can look like Levis – all have been covered at one time or another in the tabloids.
Of course, some fans make for a better story than others. Take comedian Eddie Murphy, for instance, who is a big-name celebrity and thus a natural subject for tabloid scrutiny. Murphy is also an Elvis fan, according to the tabs. Murphy has reportedly manifested his adoration for the King by buying a house because it looks like Graceland, giving away expensive cars to friends because “It’s a thrill and makes me feel like Elvis,” and becoming friends with Lisa Marie Presley. According to the Enquirer, Murphy “has read every book on Elvis and plays his music all the time. He knows practically every line from every Elvis film. Eddie’s a walking Elvis Presley encyclopedia.”
And then there’s Kim Epperly, who, according to the Sun, has built a mini-Graceland in her Roanoke, Virginia, front yard. Three feet tall, 25 feet wide and 12 feet deep, the model includes everything from the front gates to the Meditation Garden; she’s even included a version of Elvis’ Tupelo birthplace. The pièce de résistance of the display, which reportedly gets thousands of visitors annually, is an Elvis figurine which Epperly dresses according to the weather.
Or how about this startling cover headline from the Globe: “Marilyn and Elvis Alive and in Love: Amazing Photos From Hawaii.” Inside, the explanation – two truly devoted fans, a Marilyn Monroe look-alike and an Elvis impersonator, living together and planning a wedding they expect to be a media event. Jon Von Brana and Susan Griffiths claim they live this fantasy day in and day out, speculating that perhaps Marilyn and Elvis would have been a likely couple. “Elvis wanted to own his women,” Von Brana told the Globe. “He liked the old-fashioned Southern girls.” Griffiths, for her part, says, “Marilyn wanted to be owned. They might have been very good together.”
Elvis and the Aliens: The Perfect Combo
A single entry in this category this year, but it perfectly melds two favorite tabloid topics – Elvis and UFO’s. It seems that one Gifford Marvinson, of – guess where – England, had a visitor from outer space. The farmer was terrified, until the alien who emerged from the spaceship began to sing “Love Me Tender.” “A calm suddenly fell over me and I felt at one with the entire universe,” said Marvinson, according to the Sun. He added, “I guess it was some form of greeting, to show they meant no harm.”
Elvis Alive? You Decide!
UFO’s fit in with the first item in the “Elvis Alive” column. According to the Sun, psychic Bernice Kulp (British, natch) asserts that Elvis, who she says was associated with paranormal activity all his life, is not dead, but was “whisked away by UFO aliens who saved his life and will return him to Earth when the time is right.”
Some tabloids also interpret all the Elvis ghost stories as evidence that the King still lives. And the kind of people who dreamed up the paul McCartney death rumors apparently went into hyperdrive for these two tidbits, gleaned from the National Enquirer: The date of Elvis’ death (8/16/1977) adds up to “2001,” which is the theme music Elvis used in his latter years; and you can rearrange the letters E-L-V-I-S into L-I-V-E-S.
The latest claim along these lines comes from a writer named Gail Giorgio, who, in 1979, wrote a novel about an Elvis-like rock star who faked his own death. The book, she claims, was mysteriously withdrawn from circulation, at the insistence of Col. Tom Parker. “What had I unwittingly touched on?” Giorgio asked in the Weekly World News. Later, she says, she was visited by two strangers who gave her a tape of what she says is Elvis’ voice telling about his hoaxed death. More revelations from Giorgio:
Elvis was too tired and sick to continue the way he was, so he simply retired for a while to Hawaii, assuming the name John Burrows.
The body in his coffin was wax.
Elvis grew a beard, started going bald, and traveled the world incognito.
Kalamazoo, Michigan was the King’s last known home: Giorgio doesn't know his current hiding place.
_________
A show-biz joke says that upon hearing of Elvis’ death, one Hollywood type said to another, “Good career move.” Tasteless joke or not, Elvis continues to be big business for his estate, and big business for teh tabloids as well. It’s definitely in their best interest to keep him “alive” one way or another.
So long as those common threads of UFO’s, psychics, ghosts, hoaxes, and visions run through the fabric of the ELvis legend, we’ll keep on seeing those great screamer headlines in a the tabloids. As long as there’s a publisher alive who can smell a good Elvis story, we’ll keep on getting more Elvis books. And in memphis, a city whose daily newspaper’s classified section has a special listing for “Elvis Memorabilia,” we appreciate such things.
