“It just goes on, and on, and on. Race and racism is a reality that so many of us grow up learning to just deal with. But if we ever hope to move past it, it can’t just be on people of color to deal with it. It’s up to all of us — Black, white, everyone — no matter how well-meaning we think we might be, to do the honest, uncomfortable work of rooting it out.” — Michelle Obama
At our best moments, the United States has created innovations that benefit the entire globe. These achievements include inventions like computers, transportation, infrastructure, Google, the iPhone, free enterprise, and space exploration. We can figure out how to put a man on the moon, but we cannot resolve race relations. Why not? Perhaps you just came up with a list of reasons why we can’t. If we polled 100 people, we’d likely find that our lists would be slightly different.
I believe one of the reasons we have failed in the past is that we will not tell our truths. We must stop whitewashing history to avoid painful realities. Let’s stop waiting on one person to lead us. There may never be another Martin. The reality is one person did not create this problem and one person will not solve it. This problem calls for each of us to step up and lead. It is time for each one of us to start having these conversations in our families, with our friends and most importantly, with ourselves.
The goal here is to start a conversation and to stop the nasty cycle of history repeating itself. The casualties are too high and the divide too wide. We owe our children a better world. Let’s trade in our comfort for difficult conversations. Let’s get raw, real, and vulnerable.
My friends and I have started hosting Zoom calls to have these conversations with our diverse groups of friends. For instance, my East Indian friend hosted a call with a diverse group of her Caucasian and Black friends. She invited me and I invited one of my Black friends to have a very open, honest conversation about racism and discrimination. As you can imagine, the conversation was not pretty. There was nothing nice and neat about it. Several participants were admittedly raised to be racists — one was raised with brothers in the Aryan Nation, others described their parents as “good Christian racists,” and another said it took her some time to realize the “bad people” her family were referring to were Jews and Blacks.
But we were all there for one reason: to learn. There were no egos, no preconceived ideas or notions, and no misperceptions that all the ills and misunderstandings would be solved in one 90-minute Zoom call. However, just the willingness to listen and learn led to an understanding that we were all passed down a set of beliefs from people who loved us. Questioning inherited beliefs can feel like betrayal — until you watch the news and realize that those beliefs, when exercised, cause pain and suffering.
More than simply beliefs, we must repair unjust systems. But systemic change goes alongside evolving our beliefs. Race, equality, and humanity need to be discussed in every household across America. As Derrick Johnson, the president of the NAACP has said, “The fight for civil rights and human rights has always required a diverse coalition of partners and allies.” The allies must be all of us — me for you and you for me.
As a Black American woman from Memphis, Tennessee, I am not naïve to racial disparities that rear their ugly heads in redlining, pay discrepancies, remnants of Jim Crow laws, and modern-day lynchings. I have heard the stories of racism from my father, the elders in my family, and seen it up close and personal in my professional career. This summer, my nephew, a recent graduate of UT Knoxville, was followed several blocks by a police officer as he traveled to his campus apartment. He was just a few hundred feet from home when the white police officer turned on his siren and hassled my nephew for “being in the wrong neighborhood.” That same week, my 29-year-old son asked me why he was having the same race experiences as his grandfather, 40 years his senior. His question still gives me chills.
We must explore this problem at the micro level, while simultaneously tackling the “bigger issues.” I challenge you to activate your circle of influence. Your call to action is to let go of the false guilt, eliminate the judgment, cancel the shame, get over the fear and start having difficult conversations with yourself, your children, your family, and your friends. This can be as simple as starting with, “What are your thoughts on race in America?” Be prepared to listen, deeply. Create safe spaces for those in your circle to tell you their truth. Resist the urge to fix them, and be careful not to judge. Instead, ask why. Respectfully challenge them by asking questions, and know when to call for a time-out. Make this part of a monthly conversation and bring in resources to watch and read together. It doesn’t all have to be heavy or painful, and no one needs to feel guilty.
The goal here is to start a conversation and to stop the nasty cycle of history repeating itself. The casualties are too high and the divide too wide. We owe our children a better world. Let’s trade in our comfort for difficult conversations. Let’s get raw, real, and vulnerable in our circles of influence so we can stop this walk of shame as a nation.
When I started writing this article, I was trying to remember a time when racism did not exist in America. A time when skin color or racial background was not a matter of concern — and I could not think of one. There has been no such time in our nation’s history. Racism has existed since the formation of these United States. Such irony lies in the first word of our name: “United.” United comes from the Latin, unitus, which means one. United means combined, being in agreement or in a harmonious united family. I chuckled a bit when reading that last part. Even within my own family and friendships, perfect chords are difficult to achieve, so one can imagine that it would be difficult for the approximately 330 million people in the U.S. to achieve.
But harmony and agreement are attainable if we each think of our circle of influence as our section of the orchestra. Just maybe, our many sections can “unite” and achieve something closer to harmony one day because we all took the time for honest conversations. Conversations that led to change. The type of change that was added to the list of America’s greatest achievements and gifts to the world. Let’s make that our next BIG global contribution to the world! Start talking.
Sherica Hymes is a native Memphian. She is a management consultant and founder of the Total Woman Summit. She serves on the Agape Executive Board of Directors and volunteers for various community activities. But most importantly, she is committed to being the change she wants to see in the world.
