illustration by Elena Ray | dreamstime
I worry, you worry; it’s safe to say we all worry on occasion. In fact, fretting over life’s daily challenges is a trait that unites us as human beings. A little worry can actually be a good thing, psychologists say, since worry functions as a built-in alarm system that prompts us to action and helps us stay safe. “We have to be aware and alert to threat,” notes gastroenterologist Paul Levy. “Humans have a tremendous instinct to survive, to make sure our kids survive, and thus, ensure that our DNA continues.”
Yet if you peruse book stalls or Amazon, you might be surprised to find that worry doesn’t garner much attention these days. It’s been crowded out by weightier subjects like anxiety, stress, and depression. What, me worry? You bet.
Researchers have found what separates the human brain from those of other mammals is our ability to anticipate and plan for the future, some of what worry entails. Another element, however, is fear, notes author Edward Hallowell, M.D. “Worry is a special form of fear. To create worry, humans elongate fear with anticipation and memory, expand it in imagination, and fuel it with emotion.”
Good worry can be helpful; it gets us moving toward action. Toxic worry depletes us; fretting about the future or past events steals away our ability to enjoy a more peaceful present.
Super-size me
My mother would be considered a classic worrier. Her worry often magnifies and exaggerates risk. Last summer, for example, she suddenly noticed a new crack in the wall of a brick planter at the entrance to her home. What had caused the crack? she wondered. She examined the planter. She inspected the yard. And then she started to worry, super-sizing the problem until she was fairly convinced that a sinkhole yawned just beneath her front yard. (In her defense, she does live in Florida, where sinkholes are not uncommon.)
So she called the insurance company and was told it would be probably a week or so before they could come out to assess the situation. In the meantime, she worried dutifully each day, steeling herself for a variety of expensive and gloomy outcomes. When the insurance man finally did the survey, the sinkhole was nowhere to be found. In fact, he chalked up her crack to something far less exotic: settling. Over time, the ground had shifted while the brick planter had remained static, hence, the crack.
Whew …
But worry is like that! Our fear fires up our imagination and we make minor problems into major catastrophes, expending a lot of nervous energy in the process. It’s exhausting. Our worried thoughts inhibit our ability to be realistic about our problems, especially when we’re stressed. It turns out that worry can also become exaggerated by experiences from our past.
English instructor *Liz Baker remembers the toll losing her mother had on her own health. Her mother’s untimely death from breast cancer occurred when Liz was just 19. She soon worried that she, too, might become gravely ill, a fear that lingered well into her 30s. “I was petrified of getting cancer,” she says.
Because of that fear, she routinely rushed to the doctor, fearful her latest ailment might be masking a more life-threatening illness. “Any physical symptom would send me into a tizzy,” she says. “I was so worried that this time, it would be the end.” Now in her mid-60s and still in the pink of health, her what-ifs turned out to be whatever.
But worry is not innocuous. That nervous energy can adversely affect us, causing harm to the body’s circulation system and glands, the nervous system, and heart. The mind-body connection means worry extracts a discernible toll, both mentally and physically. Studies show constant worry leads to tension, poor sleep, irritability, fatigue, problems concentrating, and in general, overall unhappiness. And here’s the irony: Most of what we worry about never happens. Yep, just like Mom’s sinkhole.
Releasing control
Whether the problem is health concerns or family relationships, money woes or politics, any combination of such woes can drive us to distraction, enabling worry to take center stage in our lives. So here’s a point worth remembering: Worry often keeps us focused on controlling events that are out of our control.Susan Elswick, a clinical social worker and CEO of Behavior Services of the Mid-South, says, “Healthy worry protects us. But when it impairs our daily routine, when we won’t go outside because we’re afraid of being hit by a car, then there’s a problem.”
Elswick says many people wind up at her clinics coping with worry in unhealthy ways, by drinking excessively or cleaning habitually. How can worry be more readily managed?
A good first step is identifying and acknowledging our fear. Psychologist Lee Horton tells about a time during midlife when his wife was scheduled for a hysterectomy. He began to worry about losing her, even though the mortality rate for the procedure is very low (less than one percent).
“My girls were pre-teens at the time and I imagined myself having to care for them alone,” he says. His worry prompted him to assess his situation and when he rationally looked at his finances and job flexibility, he realized his situation would make single parenting manageable. Once he examined his biggest fear, Horton says, “I realized even if the worse were to take place, I’d survive.” And in acknowledging that, the cloud of worry lifted.
Whether our thoughts keep us focused on future calamities or ruminating on past failures, routinely entertaining them inhibits our ability to be mindful and present, thus thwarting a chance to experience fully the joys life brings every day. To find ways of productively combating worry, I spoke with several practitioners about healthy ways to alleviate worry and stress, which include yoga, meditation, faith, journaling, and self-care practices.
Focus the mind with yoga
Sarla Nichols, the former owner of Midtown Yoga, says she started studying yoga “because I was riddled with anxiety and fear.” Nichols says she wrestled with body image issues and tried managing her worry by running. But it was through discovering yoga, with its focus on postures and breath awareness, and its philosophical underpinnings that embrace thoughtful daily living, that she eventually gained inner peace.
“We can’t be of help to others if we’re consumed by worry. When we put the greater good above ourselves, then we realize our shortcomings don’t make us bad people,” she says. “Life is a journey. We all want a quick fix and relief from our symptoms but … it requires giving up control and some of us don’t want to do that.
“Yoga says fear is the great death,” Nichols adds. “But we can live a life of walking death if we are ruled by our worries and fears.”
Lean on your faith
There are many passages in the Bible that demonstrate God’s desire for us not to worry. For example, Matthew 6:26 reads, “Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is today in the field and tomorrow cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?”
But relying on faith to calm our fears is challenging. Motivational speaker, author, and radio host Gary Zimack was raised in the Catholic Church and says worry for him was second nature. “I was a hypochondriac as a kid. I was always worried about getting some disease. I’d pray and then my parents would take me to see the doctor.”
Anticipating problems proved to be an asset in his first career as a software developer. But worry continued to rule his personal life. Then, in 2004, Zimack experienced a medical crisis. An intense pain arose in his side, along with bouts of nausea and weight loss. A visit to his physician revealed enlarged lymph nodes, but his doctor told him it would take six months to discern whether the root cause was an infection or a tumor. The news overwhelmed him.
“That experience led to my conversion,” says Zimack, now an evangelical Catholic. “I ultimately turned to God and that’s when I began to feel peace, because I got to know Jesus.” He gave up trying to control events that were out of his control and relied on faith instead. He now shares his good news with other worriers, distilling his lessons to the 5 Ps of Peace: Prepare and do what you can to live in the Present, Pray instead of worry, Participate in what the church has to offer, and keep your eyes on the Prize, which is heaven. In other words, this life isn’t the final chapter.
“I think our basic fear is that our lives have no meaning,” adds Elaine Blanchard, storyteller and pastor. “So we do what we can to find and sustain meaningful relationships and activities, or we despair and give up on ourselves. We worry less when we are assured of our purpose, the promise of love and hope for a future made better by our having been here.”
Become mindful with meditation
Meditation is another way we can train ourselves to be present. National studies have found that medical students often struggle with worry. Many of these high achievers enter med school only to find themselves challenged academically for the first time. Because of the massive workload, some struggle. “They begin to question whether they belong here,” says Kathy Gibbs, director of educational support for the University of Tennessee Health Science Center (UTHSC). So the university offers a weekly meditation class as a way of teaching students how to stay present and focused.
Professor Mark Muesse teaches religious studies at Rhodes College and has taught mindfulness meditation for many years. He calls meditation strength and flexibility training for the brain. Mindfulness, becoming aware of our thoughts and recognizing that we can control how we respond to them, can free us from unhelpful ways of thinking and responding to worry.
“Meditation takes an innate capacity — mindfulness — and strengthens it,” Muesse says. “It’s counterproductive to come in wanting to end anxiety or worry. You do meditation for awareness and that helps release the worry.”
Even though he personally suffers from a chronic neurological problem that routinely causes him great pain, “Meditation has given me equanimity. My life is on an even keel, unpleasant experiences don’t cause me to suffer. I have contentment and serenity regardless of what life brings.”
People who have taken his class say meditation has literally transformed their lives, making them calmer and more aware of the world around them. Many use it to help manage pain and stress. “Meditation is paradoxical,” Muesse observes. “You gain control by relinquishing control.”
Keep a daily journal
Susan Elswick often recommends that patients keep a daily journal. She says we don’t always recognize what triggers our worries or how our body responds to anxious feelings. But if you make note of events that happen during the course of each day, then you can begin to recognize what brings on worry by identifying the physical triggers associated with your anxiousness. Symptoms can include an increased heart rate, irritability, clenched fists, and shallow breathing. Once you identify triggers, you can begin to consider how to better respond.
Make time for self-care
Finally, it goes without saying that our mental health is directly tied to how we treat our bodies. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, one high in fruits and veggies and low on sugar and fats, and fostering a network of supportive friends goes a long way to keeping worry in check. Furthermore, reach out and do something for someone in need. Often, our worries are put into greater perspective when we see the burden others carry.
