Photo by Larry Kuzniewski
Tomorrow night, the 2015-16 season of Memphis Grizzlies basketball tips off at FedExForum. Every year since Zach Randolph arrived in town and the Griz almost made the playoffs — the 2009-10 season — expectations have been on the rise, and this year is no different. Marc Gasol signed a long-term contract over the summer, and Mike Conley is a free agent after this season and will no doubt be doing the same. Zach Randolph and Tony Allen are still here for a while, too, so the core of the team that Memphis has embraced is returning to action for another year of battle.
With so much the same, Griz fans pretty much know what they’re getting, right? What is left to predict if the “Grit & Grind” era is returning for its sixth straight season? Plenty of things, of course. And so, without further ado, the official 901 Grizzlies season predictions:
- Tony Allen will disrupt at least one kids’ halftime show dance routine this season, but let’s be honest: probably more.
- At some point this season, Zach Randolph will foul Matt Barnes extra-hard and then realize that Barnes plays for Memphis now, rather than the Clippers.
- We’ll finally reach the tipping point and a majority of the fans in the arena will be wearing bootleg t-shirts instead of ones from the team store.
- One of the Rendezvous Ribs will finally set a pick so hard that they send some hapless college kid to the emergency room for being dumb enough to entertain the crowd by getting pummeled by giant barbecue.
- Subsequently, the 2-on-Cue basketball series will be canceled and replaced by “Jack Pirtle’s A Guy In A Chicken Suit Just Randomly Clotheslines People,” which (understandably) won’t be as popular.
- Mike Conley will like wearing his mask so much that the rest of the team will also start wearing masks, even though none of them had to have titanium plates put in their faces last spring. Eventually even the coaching staff and front-office executives will all start wearing them as well in a show of solidarity. According to team sources, Rick Trotter has already ordered his.
- If there’s another Media BattleBallz tournament, I will not participate, because the last time I did, this happened:
I'm pretty good at predicting things, so it’s safe to assume I’m right about most (if not all) of these predictions. Right or wrong, it’s going to be an exciting season of basketball, and Memphis will be front and center making noise in the Western Conference. I hope somebody writes me a check for my “chicken clotheslining people” idea.